You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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