the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
