I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
