Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
