Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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