I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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