And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
