why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
