mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
