the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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