waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
