She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
