brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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