So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
