I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
