Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
