everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
