Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
