I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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