Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
