you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
