you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
