She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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