At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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