I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
