I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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