Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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