i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
