No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
