Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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