i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
