I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
