how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
