tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
