The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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