apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Come on in and take your pants off
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