I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
