YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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