new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
