capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.