ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.