Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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