He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
