Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
