There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
