Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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