i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
