She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize