imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
