wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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