Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
