umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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