I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
