I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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