...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
