So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
