Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
