Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
