There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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