Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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