fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
