physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
