this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
