my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
